I'm listening to this guy talk with his friend. He says --
This is the way it is with women. They put on this act for a few weeks,
and you do, too. You're all polished up. She's always gussied up.
She's always saying nice things, and you are admiring her this,
her that . . .
And oh, it's just so AMAZING. And you think how beautiful you both are . . .
And all you do is worry about the if or the what and maybe the when
and then one day you take her to bed once, and you're still so nice, and it's still so beautiful . . .
And so you take her to bed again, and she's still trying to keep her makeup on
and her nice nice on. And her beautiful this and that. And you, too . . .
But then one day, she doesn't care about the if or the what
and then another day she doesn't do or say or wear this or that
and you don't either
And then finally . . .
She farts in bed.
(This is the moment you've been waiting for.)
When a woman farts in bed, it means the nice is over.
I mark that day on my calendar.
September 15. Alice farted.
That's when things get real.