Politicians are another race, another breed. They aren't even human really. It's true. Scientists are studying them, and the evidence is in.
For one, it can be demonstrated in the way they talk. They talk and talk. They talk constantly, but they never talk as everyday humans do. They only pretend to. This is their secret. This is their game. To master a way of speaking that is familiar, that reminds people of themselves—of their small lives, complete with barbecues and hockey games and laughter and sweet little puppies and kittens and babies. Lots of babies. Yes, to remind them of their lives in their safe little Norman Rockwell towns in their tidy little Norman Rockwell homes with their smiling Norman Rockwell children. The lives they never had but imagined they did. Along with the pumpkin pie and ice cream. Who can best promise the life they never lived? And promise it will stay that way. That no one will take their babies away. Or their pumpkin pies.
Change? No, the politicians know that deep down the people don't want change. They just want more pies.
Some even want to go back to the good old days, to the ideals and the moral fortitude of those founding fathers, way back when, once upon a time. Founding fathers like Thomas Jefferson. And his slave mistress, Sally.
And yes, she kept the baby.
Please don't you shoot me into outer space
28 minutes ago