Sunday, September 9, 2007

Sperm Sermon

Suzanne called last night from El Salvador because she had just returned with her youth group from some kind of religious event. The minister had given a sermon on the difficulty of getting into heaven. She called it his sperm sermon. Between giggles Suzanne quoted him:

Do you know how hard it is to get into heaven, the minister asked.
Do you know how bad the odds are for any one of you?
Well, let me put it in terms you teenagers can understand.
I know what's on your minds.
So let me tell you about heaven and sex.
Because I'm talking about sperm here.
Yes, sperm. And I want each of you to imagine
how many sperm come out of a single ejaculation.
60,000 is what I've read. Yep. Imagine that.
Now imagine all those sperm trying to fertilize one egg.
But only one lucky sperm ever becomes a man or a woman.
That's right, each one of you here today is one of the lucky sperm
walking around on human legs.
Many times not even one of the 60,000 even make it
through those Pearly Gates.
Have you ever wondered why?
No, I bet you haven't.
Well, I have . . .


garylmcdowell said...

It's actually closer to 300 million sperm per ejaculation.... Don't ask me how I know this. ;)

Erin O'Brien said...

I may not have had my coffee yet th is morning, but I surely have had a big dose of heavenly sperm!

An old throwback to the sixties said...

It's enough to make a Buddhist out of you!

Diane Lockward said...

What an image--one sperm walking around on two human legs! I'm afraid that's going to be stuck in my head all day.

Jen Bartman said...

And when you do get into heaven, you'll be looking for the ovum, and when you find the ovum, you will eat your way into it, and then there shall be small lightning withing the ovum, and then the combination of you and the ovum will become a new soul, which will be sent down into a fetus, hopefully one that is carried to term and raised by Christians, or your chances of getting into heaven will be even slimmer the next time...

Whatever happened to the camel going through the eye of the needle?

Clearly, this minister is bringing sexy back.