Friday, August 24, 2007

How to hug a man?

Okay, I have this problem. I have certain men friends who shake my hand warmly, others who hug me, others who kiss just one cheek, others who kiss both cheeks, and a few who land a quick smack on the lips. These acts are all performed as a way of saying hello or goodbye.

My problem is that I never know which to anticipate. Without fair warning, I have smashed a few noses, been kissed on the hair instead of the cheek, and otherwise embarrassed myself while attempting to master the art of the polite embrace.

In France, of course, a kiss is a simple thing. To kiss. Baiser. Little buzzies. Always both cheeks, always quickly. Such kisses barely touch the skin before they are over and done with. Phew.

My son sent me this little video, but alas, it only applies to men. To men who are hugging men. But it does offer a few directional tips that cross the gender lines. I found it quite enlightening. But I still need help.


Sara said...

Nin, this video is hilarious! Thanks for brightening up my morning.

ka said...

OMG, that was great. "Never surprise the huggee." Now this should be taught in preschool.

As for me, I'm a hugger, I know it. I've overhugged before, but I tend to lean towards "better to hug ungracefully than to have never hugged at all." ;-)

Bobby Farouk said...

I have solved my hugging issues by becoming a notorious non-hugger. This takes a little pr work, but not as much as you would think, particularly in a small state. You also have to master the body language of the non-hugger. Inducing the bug-eyed countenance at the prospect of a hug usually gets the message across.

Some people must be hugged. There is no escaping hugging my wife, sister, two daughters, a cousin in Minnesota, another in Colorado. I do not hug my sisters-in-law. My mother knew I hated hugging and that is probably what killed her.

Erin O'Brien said...

1. Wrap one arm around the man's back while cupping the other hand around his genitals.

2. Place your mouth on his.

3. Massage the crotch area with a gentle undulating motion.

4. Use your tongue to verify all interior surface areas of his mouth.

5. Continue for 3 minutes.

zen wizard said...

The tradition of shaking hands and toasting for that matter is one of those, "You can't handle the truth"--types of deals.

Shaking of hands used to go up to the elbows in Elizabethan times, and it was a search for concealed weapons. It was a very violent age.

Toasting involved pouring part of your drink in the other guy's glass to check for poison in your drink.

Therefore, I think if you're hot, I should be allowed to force you against the wall and frisk you if we ever meet. You just never know...

Jarvis Rockhall said...


This must be one of those complicated city-slicker things.

Out here in the deepest darkness wildness of west Wales such things are not done...

jessica said...

This really cheered me up today!!! I always hate when I go in for the quick-cheek kiss when clearly the appropriate thing was the shake. Then you're stuck with an awkward kiss in addition to the short, too close shake, that is really more like a hand hold waiting out the kiss. :)